Monday, August 17, 2015

Things I Should Have Learned by Now

In less than 3 weeks I will be 30. Try as I might to slow down time, it's fast approaching. Part of me doesn't mind the idea of being 30 but there is another part of me that is dreading it. There are things that I had hoped to achieve before 30. I also thought I would be a little wiser by the time 30 hit. There are certain things that I should have learned by now that I just haven't. True, I do have another 3 weeks to learn it but if I haven't by now I probably won't. 

My biggest mistake in life was stressing when my plans didn't go the way I had expected them to. I thought that my 20s would be spent setting up the life I wanted to live and then in my 30s I could enjoy the fruits of my labor. This meant that I would be done school, started in my career in teaching, married, living in my dream house with 2 kids. 

I started freaking out when I was 27 and realized I wouldn't be teaching until I was in my early thirties, if I was lucky. I really started freaking out when I hit 29 and had been trying for my first baby with no luck. Panic set in when I realized that I would probably not own my dream house until I was in my 50s because of impending student loans (still panicking on this one). 

The lesson I should have learned from all this? Appreciate what I have accomplished. It may not be my dream house, but I do own a home, I may not be teaching, but I at least have my bachelors degree, I may not have a baby but I do have a husband who has shown me time and time again how much he loves me. I should have learned by now to stop freaking out when things don't go as planned. Things never go  as planned but when I look back on life and think about what has happened so far, it all worked out in the end.  

You'd think by the time I hit 30 I would have also learned patience by now, but I haven't. With everything that's happened so far, I'm still as stubborn as when I first started,  not understanding why things aren't going the way I hope they would. Taking a step back and letting what will be, will be. Just let go. Give up control of everything and just enjoy the ride.

I haven't yet, but I still have 3 weeks. Greater miracles have happened, right?

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