Wednesday, March 11, 2015

What Would You Do? -Bridesmaid Edition

Today's post is another round of "What Would You Do?" This time around it's the bridesmaid edition.

I've been a bridesmaid four times in my adult life. I've been asked five, but I turned down one girl. I'm pretty sure that's unheard of. Here's why I chose not to be a bridesmaid to the fifth girl. 

This should be part of awkward family photos. 
Being a bridesmaid is a role I take seriously, which I'm sure we all do. Part of that means being a honest, loyal, good friend. It also means taking on all the financial responsibilities that is required of a bridesmaid.

The girl who asked me, asked me at the same time my Aunt Penny did. I knew I couldn't afford being a bridesmaid in both and Aunt Penny would always take precedence in this situation, so I told the girl I couldn't afford to be in both weddings and left it at that.

The catch is that there was a deeper reasoning behind choosing not to be a part of her wedding. Honestly, if it meant enough to be I would have found a way, and the money, to be in both weddings. The bigger reason that I chose not to be in her wedding was because I didn't see myself being her friend in the future. 

I know that most of us usually have one bridesmaid that we lose touch with in our lifetime. It happens. The way that I see it is that that girl was an important part of your life at that moment in time but nothing lasts forever. In short, shit happens. But I believe that if you ask any of those girls at that time if they felt like they'd be friends forever, most of them would say yes. I felt that if I said I would be her bridesmaid while knowing that we wouldn't last as friends, I'd be doing a disservice to this girl and her wedding. 

Photo via Siousca Photography
I know you're probably wondering why I was even friends with someone if I didn't think we'd remain friends. It was a friendship of convenience, we were co-workers and didn't have many other friends in the company. She also wasn't a great friend to me, she was very bossy. It's not completely her fault, I allowed her to boss me around. We stopped speaking shortly after she left the company and she unfriended me twice on Facebook. There was no big blowout, no drama (well no major drama), we just drifted apart. 

 I'm glad I chose not to be a part of this girl's wedding day, not because of hard feelings I hold against this girl, because there are none, but because she won't have to look at a lost friendship when she looks through her wedding photos, which is something I knowingly prevented.

So what would you do? Would you be a part of someone's wedding if you didn't think you'd be friends in the end?


  1. In addition to your reasons above- Back in my day(lol) wedding parties were small- 3 bridesmaids was the norm. Now all weddings are out of hand. You get a bunch of girls, some responsible, some family,some deadbeats. The expectations for bachelorette parties, showers, dresses, makeup, tanning, hair etc are outrageous. The worst is when someone commits and then cries and whines that they cannot afford it, sometimes do not pay their share and/or do their share, and the other girls are over-burdened. Just say no. Good post.
    Love, SMD's Momma

    1. You are absolutely right SMD's Momma aka Linda :) it has gotten out of hand. Even before Pinterest it was getting ridiculous but now with Pinterest the expectations for a perfect everything leading up to the day are outrageous. Thank you!

  2. This is a very interesting question! I'm honestly not sure what I would do in that situation, because I'm really bad at saying no, but I think you absolutely did the right thing!

  3. I've never said no when asked to be a bridesmaid, and I too have been in 4. I actually wanted to say no to the first one I was asked to be in because I didn't believe their marriage would last. They have been divorced officially for 4 years and separated for 5+. Go figure. One of the girls who was in my wedding party I no longer speak to, as we drifted apart. I was bitter at first, but now I feel no ill will. As the Dali Momma (SMD's mom) said above, there is SOOO much pressure these days for the shower, dress/shoes/jewelry/hair/makeup, bach. party, plus a wedding gift. And there is alawys at least one party member who doesn't equally contribute. Annoying! I've never been asked by someone who I didn't think I wouldnt be friends with in the future, and at 33, I hope that wouldnt happen now. I think if it had happened in my 20's, I would have had the balls to say no. And good for you for doing that!

  4. OMG I'm in the process of choosing my wedding party and had no idea how stressful it'd be. I thought it'd be easy to just pick 2 girls and be done with it. But it's hard with family, and when I'm super close to the wives of some of the guys my fiancé is picking as his groomsmen! It's hard to know who really WANTS to be in your wedding and who wouldn't really care either way, you know?

  5. I've never said no (13 times), but I wanted to say no to one. I didn't because the cost of me being in it was low compared to the cost of hurting her feelings. I knew it meant a lot to her.

    I'm still close with everyone in my wedding party. I do wish I would've had my future sister-in-law instead of MFD's sister.

  6. It sounds like you made the right decision, definitely.

  7. This is why when I got married only had family in the wedding! You for sure made the right decision, she sounded like she would have been a bridezilla.

  8. I''ve been a bridesmaid several times and flower girl (as a kid) too many times to count. I honestly don't know what Id do. I never had someone who as not close ask me to be in their wedding. I'd actually think that to be very odd. I think you made the right choice for yourself as you know the circumstances better than anyone!


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