Monday, January 26, 2015

Dancing with Duck Lips

I've been on a memoir kick lately. They're normally quick reads for me that give me a "sneak peek" into a celebrity's life. My favorite memoirs have to be the ones by Chelsea Handler. 

Anyway, I was inspired by the run of memoirs I've read to brainstorm what the chapters of my own memoir would be called. Ladies and gentlemen I present to you the chapter headings of "Dancing with Ducklips and other insights", look for it at your local Barnes and Noble never. 

Chapter 1 // If your mother didn't pass out from your big head entering this world at least once, you haven't done it right. Go back and do it again. 

Chapter 2 // Greasy hands and dirty fingernails aren't as sexy as I once thought, but it made me a hard worker.

Chapter 3 // I don't care how intelligent or level headed you are as a teenager, your first boyfriend is going to make you stupid. 

Chapter 4 // Hemorrhoids aren't the only thing in life that will be a pain in your ass. 

Chapter 5 // How to plan your life out perfectly--and then watch your plans fail miserably.

Chapter 6 // You know love isn't like the movies, well neither is friendship. 

Chapter 7 // Treat yourself as you would treat your friends.

Chapter 8 // Romance isn't flowers and candles, it's when he stays by your side when you hop on the crazy train and get on the first class psycho bitch cart. 

Chapter 9 // Dancing with duck lips, perfect "The Lawn Mower" on the dance floor,  and why Night at the Roxbury is the worlds best dance instruction video.


aka The End. 


  1. I love it! I could co-write the psycho bitch cart chapter.

  2. Haha what a fun post! I can relate to #3... my first "real" boyfriend made me do some stupid things! Ugh, boys!!


    1. thanks Jess! and yes, first boyfriends are notoriously bad for us! haha

  3. I love this!

    I might have to steal your idea and title my own memoir...

  4. Oh my goodness. This is hysterical, Steve is in the other room asking me what the hell I'm laughing at

  5. Love this! Unfortunately for me, I married my first boyfriend, and then subsequently divorced him when I suddenly came out of the fog. Doesn't get more stupid than that! The marriage part, not the divorce. Chapter 4 = instant classic.

    1. Thank you Kim! We all make mistakes, at least you realized yours, right?


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