Monday, January 26, 2015

Dancing with Duck Lips

I've been on a memoir kick lately. They're normally quick reads for me that give me a "sneak peek" into a celebrity's life. My favorite memoirs have to be the ones by Chelsea Handler. 

Anyway, I was inspired by the run of memoirs I've read to brainstorm what the chapters of my own memoir would be called. Ladies and gentlemen I present to you the chapter headings of "Dancing with Ducklips and other insights", look for it at your local Barnes and Noble never. 

Chapter 1 // If your mother didn't pass out from your big head entering this world at least once, you haven't done it right. Go back and do it again. 

Chapter 2 // Greasy hands and dirty fingernails aren't as sexy as I once thought, but it made me a hard worker.

Chapter 3 // I don't care how intelligent or level headed you are as a teenager, your first boyfriend is going to make you stupid. 

Chapter 4 // Hemorrhoids aren't the only thing in life that will be a pain in your ass. 

Chapter 5 // How to plan your life out perfectly--and then watch your plans fail miserably.

Chapter 6 // You know love isn't like the movies, well neither is friendship. 

Chapter 7 // Treat yourself as you would treat your friends.

Chapter 8 // Romance isn't flowers and candles, it's when he stays by your side when you hop on the crazy train and get on the first class psycho bitch cart. 

Chapter 9 // Dancing with duck lips, perfect "The Lawn Mower" on the dance floor,  and why Night at the Roxbury is the worlds best dance instruction video.


aka The End.