Monday, August 18, 2014

Weeds are Flowers too, Right?

It's been about two months since I weeded the garden in front of my house. It's a tiny flower bed, but it was getting close to jungle territory. I know its bad to let it go that long, but in addition to the fact that I hate weeding, bad things happen when I weed. 

Yesterday, I decided to weed, even though it was raining. I figured I would get dirty weeding and would need to take a shower anyway so it didn't really matter if it was raining as long as it wasn't lightning out. Plus, the wet flower bed would help me dig up the grass that was rooted in deep. I assumed it would be a quick, simple chore. 

You know what happens when you assume, right?

My story begins in the "garage" or the half room that we call a garage since part of ours was converted into a room. That's Dave's space. I don't mess with the garage at all, and in typical guy fashion, the place is a hot mess. I tried to find my gardening gloves since I knew I'd be doing some serious digging and I didn't want the dirt embedded into my nails or to have my fingers rubbed raw from trying to dig the roots out. I couldn't find my gloves in all the chaos, but I did find some latex gloves which I used instead.

Old pic, this was before the Nibbler fiasco. RIP red lilies!
Everything was going good until I had to cut my lily stalks down since they were done for the year. Normally I wait so long that I can just grab the stalk and pull it right out. This time, though, I ended up pulling out the entire bulb. So I go inside and grab a pair of scissors and cut the stalk of the one I yanked out and replanted the bulb. I went to cut the next stalk and broke the scissors. 

I go back to the garage and grab the gardening shears (which I should have grabbed in the first place, I know) and cut down the rest of the lilies and proceeded to get whacked in the fact each time they came crashing down (again I know, I never learn). I finish weeding and get up to go inside and see this:

I already knew I had to shower, but didn't realize it was this bad. So I brushed off and began to take off my latex gloves, which had gotten a little stuck to my hand from the sweatiness. Instead of just peeling the gloves off, I decided to grab the left one by the fingertips and pull, and proceeded to whip myself in the arm when it finally came off. Then I went to take the right one off, only to find that the index and middle finger tips were completely gone, negating the whole reason I had the gloves in the first place. 

I go inside, and walk into the kitchen to drop the broken scissors off, turn around and find that I tracked dirt in, because apparently I put my foot in the dirt pile left from the one lily bulb I yanked out. So now in addition to weeding, I had to do my second least favorite chore: mop. 

This my friends, is why I should not weed, and it's not just because of my lack of common sense. It's because bad things happen when I weed. 

My goal now is to avoid weeding until next spring. Who's with me?