Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Clair de Lune

Have you ever had a song just remind you of someone or something? Every time you hear it, you think of that one thing? I have a few songs like that, but for today's post I'm going to talk about "Clair de Lune" and Buddy.

Before Nibbler and Squishee, I had another cat, Buddy. He was my first pet that was all mine. I got him when I moved into my first apartment when I really wasn’t a fan of cats but really wanted a companion. Needless to say, Buddy changed my life. I lost Buddy very quickly about a month after Dave and I got engaged. I was devastated. He completed our little family, and was a huge part of our life. I was even making plans on incorporating him into our wedding somehow (which by the way, I still did in many ways, but that's for another post, another day). 

Literally one night he's fine, in fact in was the perfect night. I still remember it so vividly, we were hanging out as a family, Buddy even got to spend some time outside, eating grass (his favorite thing to do). He and I had a rare cuddle/play session (when Dave came into the picture, Buddy quickly replaced me as his favorite person with Dave) and we all fell asleep cuddling. I thank God for that last precious evening with him and for giving me the foresight to appreciate it when it was happening. Then the next morning blood clots broke loose from his little heart and he was gone. He was only six years old.

I took it really hard and the only thing that seemed to soothe my pain, allowed me to grieve, was “Clair de Lune” by Debussy. And throughout the past few years, that song has come up and often reminded me of Buddy and that he’s still with me, somehow. At our wedding reception, the song came on quietly after our toasts when everyone was sitting down to eat. I heard it and knew Buddy was there. I was having a really rough day recently and the song came on again, and it was like having him with me all over again, purring softly to soothe my angst.  It’s my little reminder that he’s always with me.

Most recently was this weekend. Dave and I are preparing to extend our family beyond Nibs and Squish to little humans and we bought a pack and play from a neighbor (no I’m not pregnant yet, hold your congrats). Anyway, we were starting to clear out one of our spare rooms that had the pack and play in it when Dave pushed a button on it and that song came on. Poor Dave didn't know what happened, one minute we were laughing the next minute, I was quiet, trying to hold back tears. 

Why? Because I envisioned placing the little one in the pack and play, pushing that button and seeing Buddy stand on his hind legs and watch the baby while the song softly lulled it to sleep. Then I remembered that is something that won't happen physically but maybe he'll be there in spirit. Then I remembered all the other times that song came on, and I knew it wasn't a maybe, it was a definitely. 

Darn it....stupid song/post got me all teary eyed.

Clair de Lune from Suite Bergamasque by Claude Debussy on Grooveshark
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